Cohousing-L Mailing List: Re: Re: Refining concerns / needs

[Becky Schaller (bschaller]

Thanks for this message, Sharon.  I had been thinking that the
concerns/needs step was something people would simply reflect upon and then
name.  (At the conference I also  learned that an informal discussion
beforehand would be helpful.)   Now I'm seeing that this step may be much
more involved than I had thought -- particularly for those of us who aren't
used to thinking in terms of needs.

I'm imagining that people might become rather impatient with me facilitating
this part since I am in the new and stumbling stage.   So here's an idea I'd
like some feedback on.

During the general meeting, as a large group, we name the needs/concerns the
best we can and we list them. Kind of a first draft. Then we ask people to
get into groups of 3-5 people.   We do this in such a way that we encourage
people to meet with people who's stated needs/concerns are different from
their own.  We ask people to first listen to each other and respond with
either reflective or active listening.  Then we ask people in these small
groups to see if they can refine these needs and concerns to ones they can
either all agree with or agree to .

For example, to start with two of the original concerns, someone who feels
strongly about the following statement,

"We don't want to put a greater value on some work than other work.  For
example, we don't want to say that pouring cement somewhere counts as work
hours but bringing dinner to a sick neighbor doesn't count."

would try to meet with someone who feels strongly about the following
statement, 

"We want to acknowledge that if we are to continue as a community, some
kinds of work such as the treasurer's job are essential.  Others kinds of
work are more neighborly and perhaps should not be counted."

I'm wondering if that would be helpful.  It would have the advantage of
giving everyone an opportunity to ask each other, "Why?" and to work toward
identifying the basic needs and concerns.

I'm curious as to whether or not people think this would be a good idea or
not.  I'm having a hard time imagining how we might reconcile these two
concerns in my mind.

Becky Schaller




 
> On 7/20/03 1:31 AM, "Becky Schaller" <bschaller [at] theriver.com> wrote:
> 
>> It seems to me that  in order to find proposals or solutions that address
>> everyone's needs/concerns,  it would be best to first distill the universal
>> needs and concerns from those mentioned.  That's what I am having trouble
>> doing.
> 
Then Sharon Villines wrote:
> Many people don?t know their basic needs/concerns until they get into a
> process. It's the back and forth that brings them out and helps us define
> how we feel. Unless someone has already dealt with a particular situation
> before, they won't have worked this out yet. And as the situation changes,
> their needs/concerns/feelings will change.
> 
> Needs/concerns/feelings are fluid. They don't distill.
> 
> In the parking lot situation you mentioned, not all members will see safety
> as a primary need or have thought about lights providing safety. Or
> interpret safety in the same way. Lower utility bills may address safety
> needs just as well.
> 
> Perhaps the best way to get at underlying needs/concerns is to ask "Why?"
> 
> Why do you want lights? What problem do lights address? Then you start
> getting to the basic reasons that people believe certain things are
> necessary or not necessary.
> 
> I once had a design teacher who asked "Why?" a million times in every class.
> Why, why, why, why. It was infuriating but she is the one I learned the most
> from.
> 
> Sharon
> -- 
> Sharon Villines 


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