Cohousing-L Mailing List: Re: Re: Refining concerns / needs

[Tree Bressen (tree]

Hi,

>While core needs may not change, they manifest very differently in response
>to different situations. We have lots of members who believe that expression
>or discussion of feelings is entirely inappropriate in meetings.

My experience has been that when a meeting feels really stuck, the
stuckness just about always has an emotional component to it (and perhaps
an "unresolved need" component as well, for those who are into the NVC
framing).  At that point dealing with the emotions (& needs) becomes
crucial for getting unstuck.  This is in addition to Becky's point about
the emotional response containing valuable information, including for
making wise decisions.  I'd really worry about both the general well-being
and the ability to make high quality decisions of any group that's as
unwilling to deal with feelings as what Sharon describes here.

>Becky's questions about separating needs from solutions raised another
>situation we found ourselves in. In proposal presentations, we were being
>asked about our concerns and would work very hard at coming up with
>everything we could think of -- bouncing off each other, raising every
>possible problem or opportunity the proposal raised.
>
>The team presenting the proposal would then throw up their hands and say
>"This is impossible! We will never reach consensus! This will take forever!"

Sounds like a group using CT Butler's Formal Consensus process perhaps?  I
like his system for its clarity, but i think this is a major flaw in it.
The group is invited to list concern after concern, but there is no step
where a group is invited to share their enthusiasm, their positivity, their
good energy!  What a drag--of course many people, especially newcomers to
consensus process, are going to feel like their proposals are doomed.
There needs to be a better balance, inviting people to share both the pros
and cons (rational, emotional, intuitive, or whatever) in response to
proposals.

Peace,

--Tree



-----------------------------------------------

Tree Bressen
1680 Walnut St.
Eugene, OR 97403
(541) 484-1156
tree [at] ic.org
http://www.treegroup.info
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