Cohousing-L Mailing List: Re: Bullying

[R.N. Johnson (cohoranda]

That sounds like a very painful and even frightening situation.  I have a few 
suggestions. 
I agree with Sharon that the authorities need to be brought to deal with 
dangerous illegal behavior, such as the bb gun shootings. 
It sounds like your meetings are held hostage at the moment.  I would start by 
talking individually or in small groups to neighbors who may be supportive, and 
developing a strategy together before tackling the larger group.  Support each 
other as much as you can.
When you talk with the bullies, be calmly assertive, and name the problematic 
behaviors. State what you see as the issues with their behavior factually 
without resorting to name calling, yelling or putdowns. Bullies count on 
intimidation.If you don't follow their script, many will back down.  Some 
people are what I think of as well intentioned bullies; they think of 
themselves as acting for the good of others even while acting like holy 
terrors.  I have seen this type of person respond and change behavior when 
gently and respectfully called on their bullying. I won't say they are getting 
any Miss Manners awards now, but the bullying has been greatly reduced. 
If you frame the issue as improving communication, creating more effective 
meetings, or conflict resolution training you may be able to get agreement on 
some outside intervention.  Whether or not the group agrees to pay, I do think 
you should get outside assistance as soon as you can. 
Randa Johnson