Cohousing-L Mailing List: Re: Bullying

[Charles Varni (charles]

This is a great and succinct paragraph on a useful model of social-emotional
intelligence and conflict resolution.  This issue is only exacerbated when
when groups have not made a conscious committment to such practices and to
being held accountable for them in a supportive and caring context.  Where
in co-housing is that generally held as the value the group agrees to strive
for?
Charles Varni
On Wed, Feb 9, 2011 at 4:20 PM, R.N. Johnson <cohoranda [at] yahoo.com> wrote:

>
> That sounds like a very painful and even frightening situation.  I have a
> few suggestions.
> I agree with Sharon that the authorities need to be brought to deal with
> dangerous illegal behavior, such as the bb gun shootings.
> It sounds like your meetings are held hostage at the moment.  I would start
> by talking individually or in small groups to neighbors who may be
> supportive, and developing a strategy together before tackling the larger
> group.  Support each other as much as you can.
> When you talk with the bullies, be calmly assertive, and name the
> problematic behaviors. State what you see as the issues with their behavior
> factually without resorting to name calling, yelling or putdowns. Bullies
> count on intimidation.If you don't follow their script, many will back
> down.  Some people are what I think of as well intentioned bullies; they
> think of themselves as acting for the good of others even while acting like
> holy terrors.  I have seen this type of person respond and change behavior
> when gently and respectfully called on their bullying. I won't say they are
> getting any Miss Manners awards now, but the bullying has been greatly
> reduced.
> If you frame the issue as improving communication, creating more effective
> meetings, or conflict resolution training you may be able to get agreement
> on some outside intervention.  Whether or not the group agrees to pay, I do
> think you should get outside assistance as soon as you can.
> Randa Johnson
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