Cohousing-L Mailing List: Re: Bullying

[Kathleen Lowry (kathleenlowrylpcclmft]

Oh- as I mentioned, just about controversial issues. A culture of openness-not 
sure there are other ways to stop bullying? Or gossip? 


> On Aug 5, 2022, at 8:41 AM, Diana Carroll <dianaecarroll [at] gmail.com> 
> wrote:
> 
> Cohousing communities aren't families. If there were no private emails
> between members, if every email went out to the whole list, that would be
> hundreds of emails a day and we'd stop functioning. Also, part of why I
> live in cohousing and not a commune or a cult is that I have a need for
> privacy in my life. Not *secrecy, *just privacy.
> 
> Diana
> Mosaic Commons, Berlin, MA
> 
>> On Fri, Aug 5, 2022 at 9:29 AM Kathleen Lowry <
>> kathleenlowrylpcclmft [at] gmail.com> wrote:
>> 
>> As an LMFTs, (marriage and family therapists) we encourage -insist? If
>> they want to continue with therapy- on radical honesty in families, so it
>> is expected that on any issue, there are no “private” emails or texts. All
>> are shared. Automatically. We say, no secrecy is allowed on any issue that
>> affects the family. Then conversations about how we behave when we don’t
>> get what we want, what bullying behavior is. After being warned by the
>> group, the bully is asked to leave the meeting.
>> Without consequences most of us, myself included, don’t change.
>> 
>>>> On Aug 5, 2022, at 7:11 AM, Sue Donaldson <susalson [at] gmail.com> wrote:
>>> 
>>> Many cohousing communities seem to have at least a few residents who
>> like
>>> to get their own way, and are not shy about making that happen.  Their
>>> tactics may include private emails that are critical or demeaning,
>> speaking
>>> harshly or yelling at others, or interrupting or overriding in meetings.
>>> Usually communities are well aware of who these individuals are, but may
>>> not be aware of specific instances, which leaves the target of the
>> bullying
>>> defenseless.
>>> 
>>> Any suggestions for dealing with this kind of thing? It's a problem in
>>> other kinds of organizations as well.
>>> 
>>> Sue Donaldson
>>> Village Hill Cohousing
>>> Northampton, MA
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