Cohousing-L Mailing List: Re: Parenting in Cohousing

In our case (Sonora Cohousing, Tucson), issues with teens had more to  

do with occasional use of common facilities without adhering to rules

regarding cleaning and such.  I don't think the community was expected  

to enforce parents guidelines regarding their own children, and I  

personally

wouldn't be willing to be other parents' enforcer, and didn't expect  

other parents to fill that role regarding my own kids.

I don't want to get into an argument over which parenting philosophy  

is "right" and which is "wrong".  Suffice to say, I've raised my two  

kids according

to a different set of principles, and my point in bringing this up is  

that there are varying opinions regarding how to raise kids, and it's  

not realistic

to expect that we should or would all be willing to dance to the same  

tune in this respect.

We did have at some point one community member blocking a proposal to  

have a TV (or cable, I forget which) in the lounge, because he felt  

that this

could easily lead to his young kids being exposed to things he didn't  

wish them to be exposed to at a tender age.  We have a TV now at the  

Teen-Multi-Purpose

room, and nobody has objected, to the best of my knowledge.

Racheli.

On Jun 13, 2011, at 8:38 AM, Robert Heinich wrote:

On Mon, Jun 13, 2011 at 9:46 AM, Sharon Villines
<sharon [at] sharonvillines.com>wrote:

I've asked this question before to stone cold silence which usually  

means

it's too hot to touch. I'm trying again.

How do communities deal with access to common house facilities when

teenagers, in the view of their parents, may be abusing such  

facilities?

There are several age groups for which different expectations can  

be placed

but for the sake of avoidance, let's try 14+.

Have you had situations in which a parent expected the community,  

for a

child of this age, to require, for example, that televisions and  

computers

in the common house be locked up because the teenagers won't observe
parental restrictions on "screen time."

In my opinion, this is an age at which adults should have  

established clear

understandings of adult behavior that is expected of their children  

and have

in place both rewards and withdrawal of privileges if those  

behaviors aren't

exhibited. It is fairly impossible to control their behavior with  

either

constant supervision or limiting the environment. If the child  

doesn't begin

or isn't expected to exercise self-control at the age of 14, all  

hope may be

lost.

When I expressed this opinion yesterday my neighbor said, "Sharon,  

you are

dealing with cohousers here. Get real."

How does your community deal with this?

Sharon
——
Sharon Villines
"Reality is something you rise above." Liza Minnelli

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Re: Parenting in Cohousing	<– Date –> <– Thread –>
From: Racheli Gai (rachelisonoracohousing.com)
Date: Mon, 13 Jun 2011 09:20:10 -0700 (PDT)