Cohousing-L Mailing List: Re: Parenting in Cohousing

[Tim Pierce (twp]

On 6/13/11 12:20 PM, Racheli Gai wrote:
> In our case (Sonora Cohousing, Tucson), issues with teens had more to
> do with occasional use of common facilities without adhering to rules
> regarding cleaning and such.  I don't think the community was expected
> to enforce parents guidelines regarding their own children, and I
> personally
> wouldn't be willing to be other parents' enforcer, and didn't expect
> other parents to fill that role regarding my own kids.

I think you've identified the core underlying issue behind Sharon's 
question: to what degree are non-parents expected to set or enforce 
boundaries for other parents' kids?  And to what degree are they allowed to?

At Mosaic Commons, so far we've had an informal approach to this issue. 
Parents who are experiencing difficulty enforcing boundaries with their 
kids will ask in e-mail or in person, "If you see so-and-so riding 
without his helmet, please tell him to put it on."  But it's a request, 
not a demand, and there isn't an expectation that other adults are 
obligated to enforce it.

We're only just beginning to address the issue more formally, and at any 
rate only have two kids above 14 in the community, so I'm sorry I can't 
address Sharon's question more directly.  In a few years we will have 
another half-dozen kids in the target age window though. :-)

--t.