Cohousing-L Mailing List: Re: Privacy for Introverts

[Sharon Villines (sharon]

> On Oct 1, 2015, at 12:23 PM, R Philip Dowds <rpdowds [at] comcast.net> wrote:
> 
> I guess I'm wondering if cohousing is really a good choice for those who 
> place high value on privacy and anonymity.

Anonymity, I think is a total “no" since you can’t be a good neighbor and be 
anonymous. (Of course they could put apples on someone’s porch in the middle of 
the night but how would you know they even like apples much less need them.)

As an introvert who becomes even more introverted with age, however, I can say 
cohousing is perfect for introverts. I’ve said this before but I think it is 
important. Cohousing allows me to join social events without planning in 
advance (which I rarely do). I can attend parties for 30 minutes and leave. 
With the exception of one neighbor who has often been in and out 4-8 times a 
day when she isn’t working, I never feel frustrated with people interrupting 
too often. 

I love the children coming in to play. I have lots of small toys like rubber 
animals, finger puppets, Dora scenario, small cars, etc. And baby toys. 
(Regressing out of sight of their parents.) They occupy a different head-space 
than adults. I serve vegetable ice cream (frozen corn) in small cups.

For couples cohousing is wonderful when one is an extrovert and one an 
introvert. It can save marriages. The extrovert always has someone to talk to 
without the partner having to engage with them or tag along. One friend who 
lived in a two family home said it was wonderful. “She always has someone to 
talk to. She talks all the time.”

I point this out also because I observed during our forming phase that the most 
introverted were the most reluctant and didn’t participate very much. They may 
just need to be reassured that sociability is not an hourly, daily, or even 
weekly expectation. Some people here may see their closest neighbors when they 
leave their unit, but often don’t attend larger group functions more than once 
a month, and like I said, can leave when they want to.

There are many ways to participate in workshare that don’t require either team 
meetings or group activities. Sometimes I think someone is not contributing but 
when I ask around I find they are quietly taking responsibility for several 
tasks on an ongoing basis.

Sharon
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Sharon Villines
Takoma Village Cohousing, Washington DC
http://www.takomavillage.org