Cohousing-L Mailing List: Re: Privacy for Introverts

[R Philip Dowds (rpdowds]

Actually, this conversation did not originate as a discussion of personality 
types.  It started out as, How to prevent or minimize unwanted interactions.  
Like, how can one be outdoors (in or next to the commons) without appearing to 
invite engagements?  Or, how can one be in one's unit and not get too many 
knocks on the door at the wrong times?  I don't think the introvert / extrovert 
polarity leverages this topic.  My point was, If one is really opposed to 
unsolicited knocks on your door — if one really prefers to be contacted by 
email or voicemail, such that one can completely control the timing of both 
query and response — then maybe cohousing is a problematic choice.

On the other hand ... maybe it's true that you are plagued by a couple of 
neighbors who don't really understand boundaries or social protocols.  This, 
however, isn't necessarily a cohousing thing; it can happen in any condo / HOA.

Philip Dowds

> On Oct 1, 2015, at 8:21 PM, Sharon Villines <sharon [at] sharonvillines.com> 
> wrote:
> 
> 
> 
>> On Oct 1, 2015, at 12:23 PM, R Philip Dowds <rpdowds [at] comcast.net> wrote:
>> 
>> I guess I'm wondering if cohousing is really a good choice for those who 
>> place high value on privacy and anonymity.
> 
> Anonymity, I think is a total “no" since you can’t be a good neighbor and be 
> anonymous. (Of course they could put apples on someone’s porch in the middle 
> of the night but how would you know they even like apples much less need 
> them.)
> 
> As an introvert who becomes even more introverted with age, however, I can 
> say cohousing is perfect for introverts. I’ve said this before but I think it 
> is important. Cohousing allows me to join social events without planning in 
> advance (which I rarely do). I can attend parties for 30 minutes and leave. 
> With the exception of one neighbor who has often been in and out 4-8 times a 
> day when she isn’t working, I never feel frustrated with people interrupting 
> too often. 
> 
> I love the children coming in to play. I have lots of small toys like rubber 
> animals, finger puppets, Dora scenario, small cars, etc. And baby toys. 
> (Regressing out of sight of their parents.) They occupy a different 
> head-space than adults. I serve vegetable ice cream (frozen corn) in small 
> cups.
> 
> For couples cohousing is wonderful when one is an extrovert and one an 
> introvert. It can save marriages. The extrovert always has someone to talk to 
> without the partner having to engage with them or tag along. One friend who 
> lived in a two family home said it was wonderful. “She always has someone to 
> talk to. She talks all the time.”
> 
> I point this out also because I observed during our forming phase that the 
> most introverted were the most reluctant and didn’t participate very much. 
> They may just need to be reassured that sociability is not an hourly, daily, 
> or even weekly expectation. Some people here may see their closest neighbors 
> when they leave their unit, but often don’t attend larger group functions 
> more than once a month, and like I said, can leave when they want to.
> 
> There are many ways to participate in workshare that don’t require either 
> team meetings or group activities. Sometimes I think someone is not 
> contributing but when I ask around I find they are quietly taking 
> responsibility for several tasks on an ongoing basis.
> 
> Sharon
> ----
> Sharon Villines
> Takoma Village Cohousing, Washington DC
> http://www.takomavillage.org
> 
> 
> 
> 
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