Re: Religious Practices in Cohousing/NVC
From: Becky Schaller (bschallertheriver.com)
Date: Sat, 27 Sep 2003 15:07:07 -0600 (MDT)
As I've been reading this thread,  I find myself thinking about some of the
communication techniques I've learned from Non-violent Communication.
(Marshall Rosenberg wrote the book.)

In this situation, I would suggest we might try following his formula.
1.  What is the observation?
2.  How do you feel?
3.  What is your need that is not being met?
4.  What specific request can you make of the other person or persons?


The observation I heard was that it looked like a cohousing event was
scheduled on THE major Jewish holdiay.

One of the feelings I read was that at least one person felt ignored as a
Jew by this.   I have identified with feeling ignored many times in my life.
However, one of the things I have learned from Non-violent Communication is
that "ignored" is not a feeling.  Rather it's how we are interpreting
someone else's action.  The feeling might be angry, annoyed, sad, scared, or
something else.  

I'm hearing two basic kinds of needs in this discussion.  One is the need
for respect and consideration.  I'm hearing some people are not getting that
respect and consideration when they hear that a cohousing event is scheduled
on the major holiday of their faith.  Another is the need to be able come to
the workshops.  I'm not sure how Rosenberg would state that as a more
universal need, but I think it's different than the need for respect and
consideration.

One of the main ideas behind NVC is that we are more likely to get our needs
met if we can clearly identify our needs.  Another idea is that there is
usually more than one strategy we  might use to meet our needs.

Therefore, I would suggest that we might find this conversation even more
fulfillling if we could clarify what needs people have and then perhaps
focus on various ways people might get those needs met.

Becky Schaller
Sonora Cohousing
Tucson, Arizona


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