Cohousing-L Mailing List: Re: Types of conflict in cohousing -- did I miss any?

[Richart Keller (richart.keller]

I would add disruptive behaviors, particularly actions that ignore the
impact on the community.

Rick Keller

On Thu, Jan 21, 2016 at 6:30 PM, Mary Baker, Solid Communications <
mary [at] solid-communications.com> wrote:

>
> Ah, I feel your pain. I will add that to the list, thanks!
>
> I had to learn a lot of things the hard way when I moved here. Since then,
> I’ve offered to expand our welcome kit to include some basics and an FAQ
> (the welcome team uses an out-of-date one-page handout that doesn’t really
> say anything). But I’m not even getting enough buy-in to make it worth my
> time. The buddy system helps. But when you’re unpacking and you don’t have
> a friend network yet, it can be really burdensome and tiring to have to
> keep asking about basic things.
>
> I value F2F as much as the next person, but I think the Old Guard (and I’m
> referring to cohousings in general) may have forgotten how exhausting it
> can be to pack, move, and settle in to a new community. And—this may be an
> unpopular opinion here—I also think that withholding basic information
> about parking, bike lockers, guest room, workshop keys, CH policy, etc.,
> and forcing people to knock on your door until they get an answer is a form
> of control.
>
> And storing crap in the CH? One of my big bugaboos. People drop off loads
> of junk that no one would ever want, just because they don’t want to be
> “that person” that throws something away. When I hosted monthly wine
> tastings which included people from all over the city, I always had to move
> junk out onto the patio (and clean the fridge and wash dishes and windows.
> Whew.) So I hosted one freecycle event that was a huge hit! No torn, dirty
> clothes or broken games. We had a TON of good stuff. Seems no one wants to
> bring their garbage when they know others are watching. ;P
>
> Mary
>
> From: Sharon Villines
> Sent: Thursday, January 21, 2016 3:59 PM
> To: Mary Baker, Solid Communications ; cohousing-l [at] cohousing.org
> Subject: Re: [C-L]_ Types of conflict in cohousing -- did I miss any?
>
> A wonderful list. You might add lack of clarity in expectations. What is
> expected or should be done in this case or that, isn’t clear. Long time
> residents believe one thing but newer residents have been told something
> else.
>
> I want to bang my head on the wall when we have fought off bikes (and
> other personal items) stored in the basement for years. Then one long time
> resident who feels sorry for new young residents, says just put it in the
> basement. There is plenty of room.
>
> I had cooked the turkey for Thanksgiving dinner for years so turkey wasn’t
> included on the sign up sheet. Then a new person made the list and included
> the turkey. Someone else signed up and no one caught the error until
> Thanksgiving Morning — despite emails about purchasing the turkey and did
> people want an organic turkey, and the turkey going in the oven the night
> before (slow cooking), a new member was cooking his at home.
>
> His wife walked into the CH Thanksgiving morning and smelled turkey. She
> was very angry on his behalf and said why doesn’t anyone tell us these
> things. It’s hard.
>
> Sharon
> ----
> Sharon Villines
> Takoma Village Cohousing, Washington DC
> http://www.takomavillage.org
>
>
>
>
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