Re: Types of conflict in cohousing -- did I miss any? | <– Date –> <– Thread –> |
From: Mary Baker, Solid Communications (marysolid-communications.com) | |
Date: Fri, 22 Jan 2016 09:45:12 -0800 (PST) |
Rick, can you provide some examples? ‘Disruptive behaviors’ is good but rather broad. I know people who label anything they don’t personally like, or that doesn’t fit their personal utopian vision, as ‘disruptive’. So some examples of something that are clearly, inarguably disruptive would be helpful. Laura, I think that would fit neatly under Sharon’s suggestion: lack of clarity in expectations. Also, maybe I should clarify that this is a workbook about handling real conflict—burning anger, repressed resentment, explosions, forms of adult bullying, broken relationships. Having said that, I know of one incident where a cohousing member was nearly excommunicated over a perfect storm of minor issues: a sudden change in garden team management, moving a fig tree, and off-leash dogs. But these are what I call ‘trigger events’ and they are not the actual issue. Regards, Mary From: Richart Keller Sent: Thursday, January 21, 2016 7:33 PM To: Mary Baker, Solid Communications ; Cohousing-L Subject: Re: [C-L]_ Types of conflict in cohousing -- did I miss any? I would add disruptive behaviors, particularly actions that ignore the impact on the community. Rick Keller On Thu, Jan 21, 2016 at 6:30 PM, Mary Baker, Solid Communications <mary [at] solid-communications.com> wrote: Ah, I feel your pain. I will add that to the list, thanks! I had to learn a lot of things the hard way when I moved here. Since then, I’ve offered to expand our welcome kit to include some basics and an FAQ (the welcome team uses an out-of-date one-page handout that doesn’t really say anything). But I’m not even getting enough buy-in to make it worth my time. The buddy system helps. But when you’re unpacking and you don’t have a friend network yet, it can be really burdensome and tiring to have to keep asking about basic things. I value F2F as much as the next person, but I think the Old Guard (and I’m referring to cohousings in general) may have forgotten how exhausting it can be to pack, move, and settle in to a new community. And—this may be an unpopular opinion here—I also think that withholding basic information about parking, bike lockers, guest room, workshop keys, CH policy, etc., and forcing people to knock on your door until they get an answer is a form of control. And storing crap in the CH? One of my big bugaboos. People drop off loads of junk that no one would ever want, just because they don’t want to be “that person” that throws something away. When I hosted monthly wine tastings which included people from all over the city, I always had to move junk out onto the patio (and clean the fridge and wash dishes and windows. Whew.) So I hosted one freecycle event that was a huge hit! No torn, dirty clothes or broken games. We had a TON of good stuff. Seems no one wants to bring their garbage when they know others are watching. ;P Mary From: Sharon Villines Sent: Thursday, January 21, 2016 3:59 PM To: Mary Baker, Solid Communications ; cohousing-l [at] cohousing.org Subject: Re: [C-L]_ Types of conflict in cohousing -- did I miss any? A wonderful list. You might add lack of clarity in expectations. What is expected or should be done in this case or that, isn’t clear. Long time residents believe one thing but newer residents have been told something else. I want to bang my head on the wall when we have fought off bikes (and other personal items) stored in the basement for years. Then one long time resident who feels sorry for new young residents, says just put it in the basement. There is plenty of room. I had cooked the turkey for Thanksgiving dinner for years so turkey wasn’t included on the sign up sheet. Then a new person made the list and included the turkey. Someone else signed up and no one caught the error until Thanksgiving Morning — despite emails about purchasing the turkey and did people want an organic turkey, and the turkey going in the oven the night before (slow cooking), a new member was cooking his at home. His wife walked into the CH Thanksgiving morning and smelled turkey. She was very angry on his behalf and said why doesn’t anyone tell us these things. It’s hard. Sharon ---- Sharon Villines Takoma Village Cohousing, Washington DC http://www.takomavillage.org _________________________________________________________________ Cohousing-L mailing list -- Unsubscribe, archives and other info at: http://www.cohousing.org/cohousing-L/
- Re: Types of conflict in cohousing -- did I miss any?, (continued)
- Re: Types of conflict in cohousing -- did I miss any? Richart Keller, January 21 2016
- Re: Types of conflict in cohousing -- did I miss any? R Philip Dowds, January 22 2016
- Re: Types of conflict in cohousing -- did I miss any? Sharon Villines, January 22 2016
- Re: Types of conflict in cohousing -- did I miss any? R Philip Dowds, January 22 2016
- Re: Types of conflict in cohousing -- did I miss any? Mary Baker, Solid Communications, January 22 2016
- Re: Types of conflict in cohousing -- did I miss any? R Philip Dowds, January 23 2016
- Re: Types of conflict in cohousing -- did I miss any? Jerry McIntire, January 23 2016
- Community Information [ was Types of conflict in cohousing -- did I miss any? Sharon Villines, January 22 2016
- Re: Community Information [ was Types of conflict in cohousing -- did I miss any?} Refuses to play by the rules Mary Baker, Solid Communications, January 22 2016
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