Cohousing-L Mailing List: Re: cats, conflict and agreement

[Robyn Williams (pov]

Michael

> One of the things that keeps conflict from being resolved is people
getting
> caught up in "I'm right, and you're wrong" arguments instead of focusing
on
> "Here's what I really want; tell me what you really want, and let's keep
> talking until we find a way that we can both be satisfied."

This is good and simple stuff Michael, thank you.  Rob Sandelin also said
something years ago that won a golden AHA! award as far as I'm concerned:
Ask what's behind the 'want', that is, 'here's what I really need; tell me
what you really need ...".  Often people can't tell the difference between
WANT and NEED and may need to be asked some strategic questions to help
differentiate.  This was the simple difference, years ago, which shifted our
apparently unresolvable pet thing at that time.  (What's sad is the degree
to which this lesson wasn't learnt.  Oh well!)

WANTS seem to be more personal, insatiable and inflexible.  NEEDS are more
fundamental, yet create room to move.

Regards
Robyn Williams
Pinakarri Community
Fremantle, Western Australia

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