Cohousing-L Mailing List: RE: Consensus and ideology

[Rob Sandelin (floriferous]

Values drive many decisions and also drive people out of group decision
making. The balance is to discern group values from individual values and
then using communication patterns that enable empathy to allow values to be
understood. Sometimes the biggest unasked question is simply WHY? Why do you
care so much about this, why is this so important to you? Understanding the
why may give you an angle which you can find a compromise with.

But I will say this again, groups with wide values diversity will have  very
hard times using consensus effectively. And if you don't have really
excellent quality facilitation in these situations, you can find your
meetings devolving into bad feelings towards the process and towards each
other.

People bring their values with them to every meeting, and those values are
expressed regularly. Learn to listen for value statements and ask for values
clarification. Also, it is almost always worth the time to clarify your
stated group values, even if everybody is on the same page with them. It is
not uncommon that individuals want the rest of the community to hold their
values, and they seek in the mission statement the reflection of that, and
are disappointed when it is not true.

Cohousing ideology is hidden. For example, how many political conservatives
are in your group?  As far as I know, their are no cohousing groups that are
made up of political conservatives. There are a few sprinkled here and
there, but in all my touring, I have yet to find any groups not dominated by
liberal, left of center politics. This is not an accident. Living
cooperatively is a extremely liberal lifestyle and brings with it a set of
values from the start.

If you advertised cohousing development looking at  some of the hidden
expectations the ad might read something like this:

Looking for liberal, upper middle-class homeowners, with many thousands of
dollars of liquid cash,  who have a huge tolerance for meetings, and are
willing to give up much of the control over aspects of their life to a
group. Must be risk takers, and have a willingness to be highly social. A
high degree of patience and tolerance is desirable. To apply, you must place
tens  of thousands of dollars in a risky real estate venture largely
controlled by amateurs with no experience.

Now who in the world would sign up on a project like that? So we soft pedal
all the risk, capital requirements, and meeting tolerances with vision. And
it is the vision of living cooperatively that sells members. Sometimes, in
the darkness of unresolved differences, it can be very helpful to  go back
and touch that vision, to remind yourself what the heck you are doing this
for in the first place.

Rob Sandelin
Community Works!

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