Cohousing-L Mailing List: Re: what motivates an outburst/ managing outbursts

[Maggi Rohde (maggi]

On Tue, 16 Apr 2002, Trina Rotskoff wrote:
> I find that listening for needs, be they someone else's or my own, takes
> the discomfort out of these moments.  Even if an "outburst" is directed
> toward me, if I am listening for the needs I don't hear an "attack."  I
> see a gift, an opportunity to connect with the speaker and help them get
> their needs met.

Thanks, Trina, for mentioning nonviolent communication.  I find it to be a
wonderfully healing way to communicate with both adults and children.

Unfortunately, I know that the very concept of "meeting" is directed at
getting things accomplished in a timely manner.  My experiences with NC
have proved it to be lovely, but not time-sensitive.

I worry that using NC precepts in meetings will only encourage those
people who tend to take advantage of meetings to meet some of their
interpersonal needs: to be heard, to be affirmed, to find attention.
These needs are critical and *do* need to be met -- but during a meeting
is not the time to do it.  A better time would be during an additional,
non-business planned interaction with the community. Unresolved conflict
during meetings indicates to me that the community might want to work on
friendship and trust activities.

-Maggi Rohde
 Honey Creek Cohousing, Ann Arbor, MI

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