Cohousing-L Mailing List: Re: Subject: Re: [C-L]_Dealing with difficult personalities

[Elizabeth Stevenson (tamgoddess]

Well, I have to disagree. I have been a member of this list for too long,
and a member of a working community for too long to not be aware of all the
groups that have folded because their process didn't work, often because of
only a few people or one person. I think it's certainly worth trying to fix,
before summarily ousting her from the group, but I wouldn't bet a nickel on
her continuing in any healthy way with the group.

For crying out loud, this is a community, not a therapy group! If we had
tried to fix everyone who wanted to be a part of our community but wasn't
ready to live in community, we would never have gotten built. There is a
time to put the continued existence of the group above one persons needs,
and that time is ALL THE TIME.

I understand the desire to be inclusive, but it won't work with mentally ill
people. Cohousing groups aren't psychiatrists.

-- 
Liz Stevenson
Southside Park Cohousing
Sacramento, California
tamgoddess [at] attbi.com

> 
> "How do we get people comfortable with giving up control, so the group can
> function?  Unfortunately, with
>> some personalities, I'm not very hopeful.          Sharon, from Sonora."
> 
> With some determination, lots of compassion and experience (belief) that it
> is possible. When people get needs met, wants diminish  Seeing most of us
> involved with Cohousing (so I hear) are control freaks...this idea of needs
> vers wants is important.  I wonder if she has ever experienced feeling
> heard...really heard - beyond her words, maybe beyond even what she is aware
> of.  Granted she may not be willing to even try but it is worth giving her
> the opportunity to know how the community experiences her, that in spite of
> this that they are wanting and hoping to support her in getting her needs
> met.  A HUGH part of this process is that everyone's needs must be met (not
> wants). If this principle is understood, seeking the consensus has a chance
> even with "control freaks".
> 
> Juva (fellow control freak) - CoHo in Corvallis

_______________________________________________
Cohousing-L mailing list
Cohousing-L [at] cohousing.org  Unsubscribe  and other info:
http://www.cohousing.org/cohousing-L