Cohousing-L Mailing List: Is mental illness the issue?

[Racheli Gai (racheli]

These are somewhat-meandering reflections, which I hope would make sense
to some other than myself...

My feeling is that most people who cause problems when groups try to work
cooperatively are not mentally ill.  In fact, they are often the most
NORMAL people, in terms of mainstream values:  Wanting to be in control;
being highly competitive; seeing
things along the duality of being either RIGHT or WRONG (and
if you're wrong, then you're bad or stupid or...) is what we are taught
all along the way.  (Most kids are raised within very hierarchical
structures; schools are inherently hierarchical by their very nature; and
so on).
When we attempt to work by using consensus - another set of values  is
implied: The equal value (in principle)of all participants;  "truth" as
being a result of synthesizing many (often conflicting) points of view;
the necessity to work on shedding judgmental and  defensive attitudes; the
necessity to work hard on resolving conflicts  (instead of enclosing
oneself in a protective shell of self righteousness),  and so on - these
are hard (almost unnatural!) attitudes to come by.   Even once we know
*intellectually* that these are good things  (and I don't know that
everyone really accepts it), to actually  internalize them to the point
that they become habits is a life-long  learning process (at least it is
for me).
I also suspect that many people who hold regular jobs in the
"real" world, are required to exhibit different behavior (and get positive
feedback) for the exact things which are seen as a problem when you work
cooperatively...  
  
[Since I have a Freudian-influenced outlook on things (no, I don't buy
*all* of what Freud said! :)), my suspicion is that those who are very
sensitive, and who grew in families where diversity/different opinions
were least allowed (ie: where someone, naturally not the child, layed down
the law) are often likely to have a hard time being flexible, and giving
up on control.  But this, in and of itself, doesn't consist mental
illness]. 

R.

Liz wrote:
>I guess I should have been more clear. If the mental illness is something
>that the person is not willing to address, and it interferes with the
>ability of a group to function, then it is not within the group's ability
>or responsibility to cure that person. Plenty of mentally ill people live
>in cohousing, as they exist in all aspects of life. But if that illness
>prevents a group from getting built, what is the point of having that
>person in the group?

>WE can argue semantics or labels or this or that, but the basic fact is
>that cohousing is not going to "fix" people, and plenty of well-meaning
>people have seen their groups go down in flames in the name of
>inclusiveness, when they should have set boundaries instead.

>This is not to say that there isn't a place for helping a member to
>understand and fit in when they might not be comfortable with or
>understand consensus. As far as I know, all groups have had to really
>work at that in the beginning. But we're talking about someone who isn't
>even functioning, as far as I can tell from the post.


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racheli [at] sonoracohousing.com (Racheli Gai)
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