Cohousing-L Mailing List: Re: Teeth in Rules

[Christine Johnson (manzjohnson]

Ours is a fairly large community which in large part accounts for the  
fact that social pressure does not have the power it does when  
compared to a smaller community.  In more cohesive smaller  
communities,  the consequences of disappointing or aggravating one's  
friends/neighbors has some effect in individuals turning things around  
for the better.  Our population over time averages 75 adults, 15  
kids.  The 2nd major factor in our case is that Stone Curves was  
developer driven with a project manager who had a financial conflict  
of interest.  We did not put in place membership criteria;  our  
objective was to get the units sold as quickly as we could get the  
units sold.

Now close to 7 years later from move-in, with frayed agreements  
creating internal discord and economically driven turnover, we took  
advantage of a local community mediation program.  We organized two  
facilitated conversations with three facilitators from the community  
mediation program.  The 1st conversation focused on what "community"  
means to each of us.   Responses ranged from the ideal to the  
assertion that it is not a community as we do not possess the features  
of a "community."  (Too many points of view of course to discuss here  
but just to give you a sense.)

The second conversation focused on how to effect compliance given our  
decision to not employ coercion, i.e., put teeth in the rules.  We  
used our 7 year old pet policy as the example.    Again, there were  
far too many points touched on to summarize neatly.  The end result  
was that while the second conversation was not a throughly pleasant  
series of exchanges, those of us who participated got a real sense of  
where we're at.   A neighbor put it succinctly saying it felt like a  
belly flop  but it was fruitful.

We are moving on to new practices, one of which is creating a Goodwill  
Committee.  The Committee is debuting with a humorous skit on  
"gossip".  We are also entertaining the possibility of putting in  
place another (a 5th)  system of governance.  It is proposed for the  
purposes of getting things done more efficiently while engaging more  
people in the decision making process.

I wouldn't live anywhere else and I know for a fact that there are a  
number of us who aren't going anywhere soon.  I know that this is how  
it goes when any group tries to accomplish what each member hopes are  
shared goals.   We cannot help but step on each other's toes but the  
dance is still a joy.

Christine Johnson
Tucson, AZ




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