Cohousing-L Mailing List: Re: Consensus, Majority Vote, "Blocks" [was Report on Survey of Cohousing Communities 2011. Just released. A must read!

[Moz (list]

Sharon said:
> I know it feels like a block when a person(s) will not consent ? I find
> myself thinking it too. ... But "block" is what _I_ feel. It's my label.
> I create the block.

I like that formulation.

Admittedly I struggle sometimes with the "your reasons keep
shifting" and "I'm trying to use different words to explain
my objection because we don't seem to have the same
understanding". Communication is hard.

> An objection must be based on one's personal ability to work
> enthusiastically and energetically toward the aim of the
> group. An objector is saying "if you make this decision, it
> will negatively affect my ability to be fully committed the
> community." Any person who has an objection must explain it
> so it can be addressed and must participate in the process
> of resolving it. What will fix this? Participation in that
> process is what distinguishes an objection from a veto. And
> the aim of everyone is to resolve it if it can be resolved.

I'm quoting that whole block because it seems important to
me. There's two core themes there - shared aims and
committment to process. One thing that I think Sharon's not
emphasising is a willingness to compromise outside of your
core values. I think it helps to be enthusiastic about the
prospect of compromise.

> If there is no shared aim, however, it is unlikely that it
> will be resolved in any meaningful or lasting way.

What's become obvious to me in the last month or two as our
co-ho experiment moves into its third iteration is that the
shared aim is crucial, and it's often a long process to
discover what peoples aims actually are. Frustrating though
it is, a lot of people don't ever sit back and think about
what they want and form a strategy for getting it. Instead
they just go with the flow and react to each new event in a
disconnected way. This makes it hard to guess their reaction
to new choices. They find it frustrating that they have to
keep explaining their gut reactions against things that are
just obviously wrong. It's a lot of work on all sides.

Moz