Cohousing-L Mailing List: Re: Consensus, Majority Vote, "Blocks" [was Report on Survey of Cohousing Communities 2011. Just released. A must read!

[Racheli Gai (racheli]

I completely agree with Sharon about the need to get away from 
'compromise' as a word and as a good thing to work for in the context of 
using consensus.

Racheli, Sonora Cohousing, Tucson.

On 09/26/2011 04:37 PM, Sharon Villines wrote:
> On 25 Sep 2011, at 7:24 PM, Moz wrote:
>
> > One thing that I think Sharon's not
> > emphasising is a willingness to compromise outside of your
> > core values. I think it helps to be enthusiastic about the
> > prospect of compromise.
> Perhaps accommodation or pleasing would be the best word here. Compromise can 
> produce a result that doesn't make anyone happy. Poorly air-conditioned air, 
> for example, is worse than too hot or too cold. It's stale and makes no one 
> happy.
>
> Working for the best possible solution for everyone allows you to begin looking at things in 
> new ways. The compromise mind-set too often produces manipulation — I want 20 so I'll 
> start with 200 and look like I'm giving something away when I settle for 30 — or 
> simply halving the difference. I want 2 meals a week and you want 6 so we have to settle for 
> 4. No one will be happy. The meal program won't be comprehensive, and those who can only 
> participate in 2 will feel burdened by working for 4 or not participating at all (depending 
> on circumstances).
>
> So I tend to avoid the word "compromise".
>
> > What's become obvious to me in the last month or two as our
> > co-ho experiment moves into its third iteration is that the
> > shared aim is crucial, and it's often a long process to
> > discover what peoples aims actually are. Frustrating though
> > it is, a lot of people don't ever sit back and think about
> > what they want and form a strategy for getting it.
> Or they hear everyone talking about things from their own framework and think 
> everyone is talking  about the same thing.
>
> When we moved in, for example, one of the first things we discovered is that  
> people had different basic concepts of the CH:
>
> 1. It was to be rented to support CH maintenance, repair, and operating costs.
> 2. It was like a hotel lobby, public, with signs everywhere for strangers. 
> Instructions everywhere.
> 3. It was like an extension of our living space and residential. If you don't 
> do it at home, you don't do it here.
>
> We had been discussing the CH for two years, including a charrette, and these 
> difference never showed up.
>
> > Instead
> > they just go with the flow and react to each new event in a
> > disconnected way. This makes it hard to guess their reaction
> > to new choices. They find it frustrating that they have to
> > keep explaining their gut reactions against things that are
> > just obviously wrong. It's a lot of work on all sides.
> This is a nice characterization. I find that they also don't want policies. They feel oppressed by 
> "rules" because they "might" limit them at some future time. Why do we need 
> rules at all? We should just get along and go with the flow. Hang out, stop obsessing. Just enjoy 
> your neighbors.
>
> That's very hard for me. I like everyone on the same page, even if I don't like 
> the page.
>
> Sharon
> ----
> Sharon Villines
> Takoma Village Cohousing, Washington DC
> http://www.takomavillage.org
>
>
>
>
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