Cohousing-L Mailing List: Re: Consensus, Majority Vote, "Blocks" [was Report on Survey of Cohousing Communities 2011. Just released. A must read!

[R Philip Dowds (rpdowds]

Convergence is good, but what I really like is harmonization.  Or, maybe 
reciprocity.

RPD

On Sep 27, 2011, at 3:43 PM, Daniel Lindenberger wrote:

> 
> I'm a fan of convergence!
> 
> 
> On 27/09/2011 12:33 PM, Wayne Tyson wrote:
>> CoHo:
>> 
>> I like reconciliation.
>> 
>> WT
>> 
>> ----- Original Message -----
>> From: "Racheli Gai"<racheli [at] sonoracohousing.com>
>> To: "Cohousing-L"<cohousing-l [at] cohousing.org>
>> Sent: Tuesday, September 27, 2011 7:46 AM
>> Subject: Re: [C-L]_ Consensus, Majority Vote, "Blocks" [was Report on Survey
>> of Cohousing Communities 2011. Just released. A must read!
>> 
>> 
>> 
>> 
>> I completely agree with Sharon about the need to get away from
>> 'compromise' as a word and as a good thing to work for in the context of
>> using consensus.
>> 
>> Racheli, Sonora Cohousing, Tucson.
>> 
>> On 09/26/2011 04:37 PM, Sharon Villines wrote:
>>> On 25 Sep 2011, at 7:24 PM, Moz wrote:
>>> 
>>>> One thing that I think Sharon's not
>>>> emphasising is a willingness to compromise outside of your
>>>> core values. I think it helps to be enthusiastic about the
>>>> prospect of compromise.
>>> Perhaps accommodation or pleasing would be the best word here. Compromise
>>> can produce a result that doesn't make anyone happy. Poorly
>>> air-conditioned air, for example, is worse than too hot or too cold. It's
>>> stale and makes no one happy.
>>> 
>>> Working for the best possible solution for everyone allows you to begin
>>> looking at things in new ways. The compromise mind-set too often produces
>>> manipulation — I want 20 so I'll start with 200 and look like I'm giving
>>> something away when I settle for 30 — or simply halving the difference. I
>>> want 2 meals a week and you want 6 so we have to settle for 4. No one will
>>> be happy. The meal program won't be comprehensive, and those who can only
>>> participate in 2 will feel burdened by working for 4 or not participating
>>> at all (depending on circumstances).
>>> 
>>> So I tend to avoid the word "compromise".
>>> 
>>>> What's become obvious to me in the last month or two as our
>>>> co-ho experiment moves into its third iteration is that the
>>>> shared aim is crucial, and it's often a long process to
>>>> discover what peoples aims actually are. Frustrating though
>>>> it is, a lot of people don't ever sit back and think about
>>>> what they want and form a strategy for getting it.
>>> Or they hear everyone talking about things from their own framework and
>>> think everyone is talking  about the same thing.
>>> 
>>> When we moved in, for example, one of the first things we discovered is
>>> that  people had different basic concepts of the CH:
>>> 
>>> 1. It was to be rented to support CH maintenance, repair, and operating
>>> costs.
>>> 2. It was like a hotel lobby, public, with signs everywhere for strangers.
>>> Instructions everywhere.
>>> 3. It was like an extension of our living space and residential. If you
>>> don't do it at home, you don't do it here.
>>> 
>>> We had been discussing the CH for two years, including a charrette, and
>>> these difference never showed up.
>>> 
>>>> Instead
>>>> they just go with the flow and react to each new event in a
>>>> disconnected way. This makes it hard to guess their reaction
>>>> to new choices. They find it frustrating that they have to
>>>> keep explaining their gut reactions against things that are
>>>> just obviously wrong. It's a lot of work on all sides.
>>> This is a nice characterization. I find that they also don't want
>>> policies. They feel oppressed by "rules" because they "might" limit them
>>> at some future time. Why do we need rules at all? We should just get along
>>> and go with the flow. Hang out, stop obsessing. Just enjoy your neighbors.
>>> 
>>> That's very hard for me. I like everyone on the same page, even if I don't
>>> like the page.
>>> 
>>> Sharon
>>> ----
>>> Sharon Villines
>>> Takoma Village Cohousing, Washington DC
>>> http://www.takomavillage.org
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> 
> 
> -- 
> -----------------------------------------
> 
> Daniel Lindenberger
> Windsong Cohousing
> www.daniellindenberger.com
> 
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