Cohousing-L Mailing List: Re: Consensus, Majority Vote, "Blocks" [was Report on Survey of Cohousing Communities 2011. Just released. A must read!

[Wayne Tyson (landrest]

CoHo:

I like reconciliation.

WT

----- Original Message ----- 
From: "Racheli Gai" <racheli [at] sonoracohousing.com>
To: "Cohousing-L" <cohousing-l [at] cohousing.org>
Sent: Tuesday, September 27, 2011 7:46 AM
Subject: Re: [C-L]_ Consensus, Majority Vote, "Blocks" [was Report on Survey 
of Cohousing Communities 2011. Just released. A must read!




I completely agree with Sharon about the need to get away from
'compromise' as a word and as a good thing to work for in the context of
using consensus.

Racheli, Sonora Cohousing, Tucson.

On 09/26/2011 04:37 PM, Sharon Villines wrote:
> On 25 Sep 2011, at 7:24 PM, Moz wrote:
>
> > One thing that I think Sharon's not
> > emphasising is a willingness to compromise outside of your
> > core values. I think it helps to be enthusiastic about the
> > prospect of compromise.
> Perhaps accommodation or pleasing would be the best word here. Compromise 
> can produce a result that doesn't make anyone happy. Poorly 
> air-conditioned air, for example, is worse than too hot or too cold. It's 
> stale and makes no one happy.
>
> Working for the best possible solution for everyone allows you to begin 
> looking at things in new ways. The compromise mind-set too often produces 
> manipulation — I want 20 so I'll start with 200 and look like I'm giving 
> something away when I settle for 30 — or simply halving the difference. I 
> want 2 meals a week and you want 6 so we have to settle for 4. No one will 
> be happy. The meal program won't be comprehensive, and those who can only 
> participate in 2 will feel burdened by working for 4 or not participating 
> at all (depending on circumstances).
>
> So I tend to avoid the word "compromise".
>
> > What's become obvious to me in the last month or two as our
> > co-ho experiment moves into its third iteration is that the
> > shared aim is crucial, and it's often a long process to
> > discover what peoples aims actually are. Frustrating though
> > it is, a lot of people don't ever sit back and think about
> > what they want and form a strategy for getting it.
> Or they hear everyone talking about things from their own framework and 
> think everyone is talking  about the same thing.
>
> When we moved in, for example, one of the first things we discovered is 
> that  people had different basic concepts of the CH:
>
> 1. It was to be rented to support CH maintenance, repair, and operating 
> costs.
> 2. It was like a hotel lobby, public, with signs everywhere for strangers. 
> Instructions everywhere.
> 3. It was like an extension of our living space and residential. If you 
> don't do it at home, you don't do it here.
>
> We had been discussing the CH for two years, including a charrette, and 
> these difference never showed up.
>
> > Instead
> > they just go with the flow and react to each new event in a
> > disconnected way. This makes it hard to guess their reaction
> > to new choices. They find it frustrating that they have to
> > keep explaining their gut reactions against things that are
> > just obviously wrong. It's a lot of work on all sides.
> This is a nice characterization. I find that they also don't want 
> policies. They feel oppressed by "rules" because they "might" limit them 
> at some future time. Why do we need rules at all? We should just get along 
> and go with the flow. Hang out, stop obsessing. Just enjoy your neighbors.
>
> That's very hard for me. I like everyone on the same page, even if I don't 
> like the page.
>
> Sharon
> ----
> Sharon Villines
> Takoma Village Cohousing, Washington DC
> http://www.takomavillage.org