Cohousing-L Mailing List: Re: Consensus, Majority Vote, "Blocks" [was Report on Survey of Cohousing Communities 2011. Just released. A must read!

[Daniel Lindenberger (daniel]

I'm a fan of convergence!


On 27/09/2011 12:33 PM, Wayne Tyson wrote:
> CoHo:
>
> I like reconciliation.
>
> WT
>
> ----- Original Message -----
> From: "Racheli Gai"<racheli [at] sonoracohousing.com>
> To: "Cohousing-L"<cohousing-l [at] cohousing.org>
> Sent: Tuesday, September 27, 2011 7:46 AM
> Subject: Re: [C-L]_ Consensus, Majority Vote, "Blocks" [was Report on Survey
> of Cohousing Communities 2011. Just released. A must read!
>
>
>
>
> I completely agree with Sharon about the need to get away from
> 'compromise' as a word and as a good thing to work for in the context of
> using consensus.
>
> Racheli, Sonora Cohousing, Tucson.
>
> On 09/26/2011 04:37 PM, Sharon Villines wrote:
> > On 25 Sep 2011, at 7:24 PM, Moz wrote:
> >
> > > One thing that I think Sharon's not
> > > emphasising is a willingness to compromise outside of your
> > > core values. I think it helps to be enthusiastic about the
> > > prospect of compromise.
> > Perhaps accommodation or pleasing would be the best word here. Compromise
> > can produce a result that doesn't make anyone happy. Poorly
> > air-conditioned air, for example, is worse than too hot or too cold. It's
> > stale and makes no one happy.
> >
> > Working for the best possible solution for everyone allows you to begin
> > looking at things in new ways. The compromise mind-set too often produces
> > manipulation — I want 20 so I'll start with 200 and look like I'm giving
> > something away when I settle for 30 — or simply halving the difference. I
> > want 2 meals a week and you want 6 so we have to settle for 4. No one will
> > be happy. The meal program won't be comprehensive, and those who can only
> > participate in 2 will feel burdened by working for 4 or not participating
> > at all (depending on circumstances).
> >
> > So I tend to avoid the word "compromise".
> >
> > > What's become obvious to me in the last month or two as our
> > > co-ho experiment moves into its third iteration is that the
> > > shared aim is crucial, and it's often a long process to
> > > discover what peoples aims actually are. Frustrating though
> > > it is, a lot of people don't ever sit back and think about
> > > what they want and form a strategy for getting it.
> > Or they hear everyone talking about things from their own framework and
> > think everyone is talking  about the same thing.
> >
> > When we moved in, for example, one of the first things we discovered is
> > that  people had different basic concepts of the CH:
> >
> > 1. It was to be rented to support CH maintenance, repair, and operating
> > costs.
> > 2. It was like a hotel lobby, public, with signs everywhere for strangers.
> > Instructions everywhere.
> > 3. It was like an extension of our living space and residential. If you
> > don't do it at home, you don't do it here.
> >
> > We had been discussing the CH for two years, including a charrette, and
> > these difference never showed up.
> >
> > > Instead
> > > they just go with the flow and react to each new event in a
> > > disconnected way. This makes it hard to guess their reaction
> > > to new choices. They find it frustrating that they have to
> > > keep explaining their gut reactions against things that are
> > > just obviously wrong. It's a lot of work on all sides.
> > This is a nice characterization. I find that they also don't want
> > policies. They feel oppressed by "rules" because they "might" limit them
> > at some future time. Why do we need rules at all? We should just get along
> > and go with the flow. Hang out, stop obsessing. Just enjoy your neighbors.
> >
> > That's very hard for me. I like everyone on the same page, even if I don't
> > like the page.
> >
> > Sharon
> > ----
> > Sharon Villines
> > Takoma Village Cohousing, Washington DC
> > http://www.takomavillage.org
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--
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Daniel Lindenberger
Windsong Cohousing
www.daniellindenberger.com