Cohousing-L Mailing List: Re: Diversity

[Elizabeth Magill (pastorlizm]

A group of people asked for an apology, words were said in response,
and the people asking for the apology responded by saying "That was
not apologetic".

That is not creating a rule, that is people saying "to apologize you
have to admit to what you did wrong rather than blame me for
misunderstanding you".

If you, Sharon, would like to accept that apology, please feel free to
do so. But I would prefer if you would not pretend that the statement
"that's not an apology" means that someone is creating a rule. That
distracts the conversation to what is a rule and what is not,
rather than whether or not the hurt parties have been attended to.

-Liz
(The Rev. Dr.) Elizabeth Mae Magill
Pastor, Ashburnham Community Church
Minister to the Affiliates, Ecclesia Ministries
www.elizabethmaemagill.com
508-450-0431

On Thu, Feb 23, 2023 at 11:39 AM Sharon Villines via Cohousing-L
<cohousing-l [at] cohousing.org> wrote:
>
> > This is not a good apology.
> > Here’s a basic primer on apologies. Re your apology, numbers 1, 3, 4, 5 are 
> > areas for improvement - especially 1.
> > https://www.healthline.com/health/how-to-apologize
>
> Respecting diversity means that we cannot expect everyone to live by 
> pre-established rules, certainly not rules they may never have even known 
> about and have made no promise to follow.
>
> When attempts at apologizing are rejected and rules are imposed about what an 
> apology is, we are very far from respecting each person as a well-meaning and 
> unique individual.
>
> Healthline is a very good resource so probably this is a good guide to 
> expressing an apology, but it is not a standard that can be autocratically 
> imposed and used as a judgment of good or bad. Consent is required when 
> making rules.
>
> Sharon
> ----
> Sharon Villines
> Takoma Village Cohousing, Washington DC
> http://www.takomavillage.org
>
>
>
>
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