Cohousing-L Mailing List: Re: Cohousing-L Digest, Vol 236, Issue 8

[Ed Sutton (ed440]

Diana, thank you for saying this clearly.
I wonder how this issue plays out in Scandinavian cohousing?
Is there perhaps a cultural expectation to be aware of one’s behavior and how 
it impacts on others?

Lately I’ve been thinking about Maslow’s Pyramid of values, and how it might 
apply to cohousing culture.
One does not reach the higher value levels by omitting lower, basic values.

In co-housing it seems the claim of “higher value” can overrule the need for 
basic rules of order in process and responsibility.

The result of not having clear ground rules is that every disagreement becomes, 
ultimately, an ad hominem argument.
Thus there is the great concern that disagreements not be openly faced by the 
community. And lots of passive-aggressive behavior.

It is beautiful to move into a community that espouses high values and missions.
But when in practice the real rule is “We don’t have rules, and we’ll all just 
keep doing like we do, and you’re expected to fit in and get along,” some folks 
may end up disillusioned by the high-floating value claims. 

It’s worth noting that religious communities espouse high values, and they also 
have extremely clear rules about basic behaviors.
Is it possible that these basic rules are in fact the necessary prerequisite 
for a community to honestly aspire toward higher values?

Ed Sutton
Eno Commons Durham NC

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> 
> Message: 1
> Date: Sun, 10 Sep 2023 08:39:23 -0400
> From: Diana Carroll <dianaecarroll [at] gmail.com>
> To: cohousing-l [at] cohousing.org
> Subject: Re: [C-L]_ Consequences ?
> Message-ID:
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> 
> Ted says "So if someone violates it, those who made the policy need to
> contact the
> one who did it and hear what's going on and share what the impact is of
> violations."
> 
> I hear this a LOT in cohousing, carrying the strong implication that people
> would start behaving differently if only the could understand the impact of
> their behavior. In practice, I've found this to be true way less often than
> I'd been led to believe. I'm starting to believe this is The Big Lie about
> living in community. ?
> 
> Diana
> Mosaic Commons Berlin MA
>