Cohousing-L Mailing List: Re: community agreements on conflict resolution

[Elizabeth Magill (pastorlizm]

I suggest Diana Leafe Christian's course on community conflict for this.

And I will tell you what I say in my course on resolving individual
conflicts.
I can guarantee this won't change if you (the annoyed individual) don't
tell them you wish they would stop.
They might not stop if you tell them. They might. Maybe if every annoyed
person told them they would stop. (Each one pulling them aside individually
for the first pass. )
But I guarantee that if you don't say something then nothing will change.

"Alyssa, I feel like the whole community shuts down when you do your thing
with Anoma. I certainly feel shut down. Please figure out how to engage the
community without interacting with her. "
(Or some better nvc statement.)

-Liz
(The Rev. Dr.) Elizabeth Mae Magill
Pastor, Ashburnham Community Church
Minister to the Affiliates, Ecclesia Ministries
www.elizabethmaemagill.com
508-450-0431


On Wed, Nov 13, 2024 at 12:26 PM R Philip Dowds via Cohousing-L <
cohousing-l [at] cohousing.org> wrote:

> There’s always the possibility that “irrational" interpersonal conflict
> impacts the community's quality of life.  For instance, some members
> seriously dislike and mistrust each other but somehow end up in the same
> meetings and events anyway.  Their chronic bickering and sniping ruin
> everything for everyone.  They refuse to back off and stand down, so the
> community … does what?
>
> ———————————
> Thanks,
> Philip Dowds
> Cornerstone Cohousing
> Cambridge, MA
>
> > On Nov 12, 2024, at 9:16 PM, Muriel Kranowski <murielk [at] vt.edu> wrote:
> >
> > I can think of at least 2 kinds of interpersonal conflict in coho
> > communities. One is that members or subgroups of members just don't like
> > each other and let that be observable, or one member is just irascible
> and
> > unpleasant to everyone. Another is that member A believes that member B
> is
> > flouting community rules or norms and is ticked off about it. We've tried
> > to address the 2nd kind of conflict in a formal way.
>
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