What’s so funny ‘bout peace love & understanding? | <– Date –> <– Thread –> |
From: iggypopsa1 (iggypopsa1aol.com) | |
Date: Thu, 11 Feb 2016 10:38:11 -0800 (PST) |
I try to read these posts fairly often, but have to admit Imiss a lot of them too. So I have seen a lot ofthreads about matters such as starting/financing/building/growing communities, sustainability,being green, meals, consensus, work share, etc. And I often read that it’s important to contribute to your community interms of work, coming to meetings, attending meals, etc. However,what I don’t see as often are discussions about such things as kindness or civilitywithin communities. In fact, I searchedthe coho-L archives using words such as “kindness”, “gentle”, “gentleness”, “civility”and found posts that were only as recent as 8-10 years ago depending upon theword I used. So, not to sound too much like a touchy-feely tree-hugginglefty, I don’t mean things like hugging all community members you encounter ona daily basis and effusively telling them that you love them. I really do mean just plain old civility& kindness. And I know it’s easy to be kind and civil topeople you really like. But what aboutthose that you don’t like or don’t like you? Or people who tend to be argumentative and confrontational ? Doesn't kindness & civility apply to all, "nice" or "not nice"? And couldn’t it be argued that the foundation ofcohousing deep down is built upon people looking after people and thus thatimplies kindness & civility? Andthat those aspects are as important (if not more important) as work projects ormeals? I believe attending meals ormeetings or work days – activities considered staples of community-enhancing – can become community-weakening experiences if there is a lack ofcivility & kindness from even just one or two individuals. And I also know you can’t regulate, mandate, enforcecivility/kindness. But I would be curiousto hear from communities or individuals out there who have grappled or haveconsidered grappling with these concepts. Can civility/kindness ever become an “expectation” or some sort or sharedvalue, or community norm that is generally accepted as being just as importantas attending a meal or a work project? Andfor those individuals who seem to struggle with civility/kindness – how toapproach these folks? Simply toleratethem? Do an “intervention”? Other ideas? Also concerning to me is that in discussing community issuesor arguing pros and cons about processes, some people can become uncivil,unkind, and that sometimes it’s all just chalked up to “oh well, every community hasconflict, so it’s just conflict, no biggie.” Well of course every community of people will always have conflict. But I would argue that in cohousing it is especiallyimportant for the community’s well-being for individuals to be civil to one another (not like one another) especially in times of disagreement which is the hardest. So I can disagree with you but when I need to “take you down”I think everyone loses. But of course we are human beings withemotions and triggers, so we will always have instances when we lose ourcool. But how to address that and remedy that when ithappens? Have communities/individualsgrappled with these issues? Thanks in advance for any thoughts, experiences, or feedbackyou can provide. Igor
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What’s so funny ‘bout peace love & understanding? iggypopsa1, February 11 2016
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Re: What’s so funny ‘bout peace love & understanding? John Carver, February 13 2016
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Re: What’s so funny ‘bout peace love & understanding? castrohom [at] aol.com, February 15 2016
- Re: What’s so funny ‘bout peace love & understanding? R Philip Dowds, February 16 2016
- Re: What’s so funny ‘bout peace love & understanding? Sharon Villines, February 16 2016
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Re: What’s so funny ‘bout peace love & understanding? castrohom [at] aol.com, February 15 2016
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Re: What’s so funny ‘bout peace love & understanding? John Carver, February 13 2016
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