Cohousing-L Mailing List: rules

[Lynn Nadeau / Maraiah (welcome]

> There is something subtly disrespectful implied by posting rules; it  
> implies
> that the poster is in a superior position in an hierarchy of  
> coercion and
> the subject is inferior, in need of instruction from superiors who  
> presume
> the worst about their subjects, rather than the best.

I beg to differ, regarding having "rules", or you can call them  
guidelines, for things which affect lots of other people, such as  
common house use. Our CH team makes policies based on soliciting lots  
of input from community members. When you share a kitchen and living  
room and vegetable garden with 50 other people, NOT having rules/ 
guidelines can lead to a lot more tension than coming to clarity about  
some bottom-line stuff. If we've agreed that having big noise at the  
CH after 11 pm is only allowed with advance permission (like for a big  
party), then folks know to ask ahead, and neighbors also know they  
have a right to call and remind the partiers, if they are being kept  
awake. The kids know they aren't to wander into the kitchen (where the  
red flooring starts) during meals, which increases the safety with  
sharp stuff and hot stuff being moved around by the adult cooks. When  
your rules are determined in a democratic way, looking to meets  
diverse needs in as win-win a way as possible, there is no "hierarchy  
of coercion: !

Other rules have foundations in real needs: if people walk on the  
wooden floors in dirty boots, we'll need to spend lots more time and  
money on maintenance. If people wear perfume in the common house, some  
members will have allergy attacks. If the patio gates are left open,  
deer will eat all the herbs and flowers.

Seems to me it's all about how rules are made, and evolved. Go for an  
understanding that you are seeking the greatest good for the greatest  
number, and get understanding and buy-in from those involved.

Maraiah Lynn Nadeau
www.rosewind.org
RoseWind Cohousing, Port Townsend WA
with a rare THREE homes available on resale, and a patch of giant  
rhubarb