Re: Privacy for All & Neurodiversity
From: Tiffany Lee Brown (magdalen23gmail.com)
Date: Thu, 25 Feb 2016 12:23:50 -0800 (PST)
i'm interested to hear the techniques that communities have developed. this 
problem exists throughout families, rural areas, urban neighborhoods. we 
generally require that people "read" each other's gestures and facial 
expressions. this can be hard on everyone involved—especially if you live in a 
generally passive-aggressive place like my town, or in a culture where any kind 
of blunt answer is considered rude. but it is especially hard on those who 
aren't capable of "reading" social signals and subtleties, and those like me 
who, due to medical issues, are subject to extremes of sociability. for 
example, i skew friendly, expressive, and community-engaged, but when i am in 
various states of sickness, i can barely walk, shield my eyes from the sun 
which is now blinding me, and can collapse if exposed to the most 
harmless-seeming chemicals, like walking by someone's dryer vent when they're 
using dryer sheets. i also have MCS, multiple chemical sensitivities. this also 
means that if you're wearing cologne, i'm going to step far away from you, 
especially when my illness is at its worst. we don't have many social signals 
to indicate this kind of stuff. we should.

reliance on these social niceties can limit neurodiversity and reduce 
acceptance of those who are wired a bit differently. 

planned communities have an immense advantage over everyday accidental 
relationships: here is a place where people can actively implement experiments 
in communication! how about an art project, where everyone paints some kind of 
sign to put on their gate, porch railing, or door handle (or heck, pendants to 
wear around your neck), indicating to what degree you want to be disturbed? Red 
means "Leave me alone unless it's urgent."  Yellow means "It's fine to come 
talk with me for a bit, but I am in the middle of something." Green means 
"Sure, I'm up for a conversation, let's see what happens." 

i'd love to live in that world. instead, i live in a world where people fake 
friendliness, then go home and write nasty Facebook posts about how their 
*awful* neighbors dared speak to them and waste their time on the sidewalk.


tiffany in oregon


On Sep 30, 2015, at 9:42 AM, Elizabeth Magill wrote:

> 
> This is a  huge problem for me. Our porches were available for nearly a year 
> before the common house had its occupancy permit (long story), so they have 
> developed into a major socializing place. I *love* that. 
> 
> *And* it means that being on the porch appears to mean you want visitors. 
> *And* I personally have no ability to say no to neighbors. So my neighbor 
> comes up, says "want visitors" and I always say yes. Even when I am 
> supposedly writing my thesis or an article, or doing work. I even sometimes 
> say "I'm working but I can take a break". 
> 
> Mama mia!
> 
> I finally sent a note to my neighbors explaining that if I am in the back 
> yard, please do not ask me if I'm free--assume I am not. I hope to build a 
> deck and dream that I will then start getting work done.
> 
> Also there is the common house question: when my "sit silently and write" 
> group meets during the day we usually have at least one child come in to 
> chat. That is, one child not related to any of us. Cohousing has taught me 
> (somewhat, see above) to be able to draw better boundaries. "We can't be 
> interrupted anne, sorry". But when we meet in the evenings there are lots of 
> interruptions.
> 
> Love to hear if other communities have a way to deal with that.
> 
> I like the hat suggestion, I might try it. Sometimes I don't go out to our 
> labyrinth because I'll have to pass all the people on the way.
> 
> -Liz
> (The Rev.) Elizabeth M. Magill
> www.mosaic-commons.org
> Berlin, MA
> 508-450-0431
> 
> 
> 
> 
> On Sep 29, 2015, at 8:03 AM, Marilyn Seiler <marilynseiler72 [at] gmail.com> 
> wrote:
> 
>> 
>> How does your community address the outside-the-home privacy needs for the 
>> introverts of your cohousing community? Is privacy primarily INSIDE the home 
>> or are adaptations such as privacy fences allowed and used?  What other 
>> measures or means are you using to promote a sense of privacy for those who 
>> have high privacy needs?  Thank you.
>> 
>> Marilyn Seiler
> 
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> 
> 

Tiffany Lee Brown
editor, plazm magazine
tiffany [at] plazm.com / magdalen23 [at] gmail.com




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