Cohousing-L Mailing List: Re: Bullying

[Sharon Villines (sharon]

On Aug 6, 2022, at 2:59 PM, Kathleen Lowry <kathleenlowrylpcclmft [at] 
gmail.com> wrote:
> 
> Sharon, Your response was not at all my point. That had to do with children. 
> When there are adults right there as witnesses, adults stop that kind of 
> “controlling with anger “ behavior (ie bullying) by stopping the bully -- 
> sounds like that’s what the facilitators do. 

Sorry. I wasn’t trying to say what I was saying was what you were saying. I 
agreed will all the last few messages. And with Dianna’s comments. My point was 
to reinforce the idea that the teaching skills approach and giving permission 
to use them is more often needed than we realize. 

But to other comments, calling everything bullying is misleading, often 
exaggerating, and doesn’t accurately describe what is going on. So you can’t 
fix it. Bullying has a target. Making a lot of noise or yelling or big physical 
movements aren’t always bullying. They have more to do with the state of the 
actor than any target.

And some of the examples Dianna gave were tended toward the sociopathic or 
disrupter end of things that won’t be “cured” by better facilitation or more 
people being more assertive in claiming their space.

> Bullying is repeated intentional emotional violence directed toward a victim.

This is the site of the National Bullying Prevention Center:
https://www.pacer.org/bullying/info/info-facts.asp

This is a good APA site except that they define it in terms of children. 
Certainly that may the most frequent but the behavior is not limited to 
children. Perhaps when people are older we call it intimidation or harassment. 

https://www.apa.org/topics/bullying

Sorry if that was confusing,

Sharon
----
Sharon Villines, Washington DC
"Behavior is determined by the prevailing form of decision making." Gerard 
Endenburg